Control Battle

Neil Brown, a psychotherapist who has worked extensively as a family therapist, has described the pattern of conflict that develops between parents and teenagers as a 'Control Battle'.

" A parent-teen control battle is the chronic struggle between a parent and adolescent who are engaged in a constant attempt to get what they want"

"The parent is attempting to to get the teen to behave in a certain way - to do chores or homework, to stop fighting with siblings, stop using drugs, stop staying out all night, or whatever it may be. The teen is attempting to resist parental control, struggling to get or do what he wants"

"The control battle is a self-perpetuating and destructive pattern of interaction. It has a momentum of its own"

Neil Brown thinks of the Control Battle as a beast, and he states that our job as parents is to starve the beast. We cannot win this battle without damaging our children. We have to find a better way to parent, through co-operation, respect, understanding, and connection.